dalestuckies:

i hate seeing people my age who’ve got their life together already like what the fuck

(via ridinghi)

ticklishbutts:

theladyofpie:

ticklishbutts:

the Cold War is basically just the United State and the Soviet Union saying how big of a penis they have but when it comes down to it neither of them actually want to flash the other to show for fear the other actually does have a bigger penis

Holy shit, that’s spot on

I don’t post faulty penis analogies so of course it is

(via spongepulp)

gayzio:

tatterdemalionvulpine:

gayzio:

In Canada, you don’t say ‘I love you’. You say ‘EH EH MAPLE LEAF QUEEN HAM BACON MOOSE ANTLER EH’ which roughly translates into ‘I’ll give you my snow shovel.’ I think that’s beautiful.

“HOCKEY HOCKEY MAPLE LEAF PUCK.”

what the fuck did you just say about my mom

(via spongepulp)

please don’t hate me, but I actually like Taylor Swifts music… okay bye.

babyeridan:

my english teacher in 9th grade used to put prompts up for daily 5 minute writing warmups and one day the prompt was just the word “hippo” and i wrote a page long story in 5 minutes about an underground russian mafia that distributed hippo feces because they discovered that it had euphoric properties similar to marijuana it was like the new opium and rich people paid big money for it but it was illegal in every country and my teacher made me read it out loud to the class

(Source: billyjoecola, via violentdemise)